'The Talk' Solution

Bed-Stuy Patch reader Janice H. Hawkins submits and essay on how to talk to your children about the issues in their lives that will affect their well being and future success:

Bullying…Sex…Drugs…gangs or droopy pants, our kids are already hearing about these issues from TV, movies, magazines and their friends from school. If we don't talk with them early and often they'll get their facts from someone else. And we'll have missed an important opportunity to talk with our children information around our own moral principles.

If you feel uncomfortable talking about such sensitive subjects with your child, don’t worry everybody does. Children want to discuss difficult subjects with their parents. You can overcome your nervousness to talk and bring up important issues with your child. But they will only talk to us if they think we will be open to their questions.

• Create the kind of atmosphere in which children can ask any questions on any subject freely and without fear of consequence. Just one or two questions could help start a valuable discussion that comes from everyday circumstances and events when your children to feel comfortable enough to come to you with any questions and concerns.

• Find time to give kids your undivided attention. Listening carefully to children builds their self-esteem by letting our youngsters know that they're important to us and can lead to valuable discussions about a wide variety of sensitive issues. It also helps us better understand what our children really want to know as well as what they already understand.

• Be simple and straightforward children of varied ages communicate and different levels and need different information. As a parent, you can be the first person to talk with your child about tough issues children need moral guidance from their parents, so don't hesitate to make your beliefs clear and communicate your values.

• Don’t ramble the more you ramble, the more likely your child is to become parent-deaf. Talking too much is a common mistake parents make when dialoging about an issue. If a kid can keep you talking she can get you sidetracked.

• Listen to how kids communicate with each other and take note. Practice listening patiently, we allow our children to think at their own pace and we are letting them know that they are worthy of our time.

In an effort to absorb all they want to know, children often ask questions again and again over time but such repetition is perfectly normal, so be prepared and tolerant. Whatever your children's age, they deserve honest answers and explanations.

It strengthens our children's ability to trust. We may not need to share all the details of a particular issue with our child, but try not to leave any big gaps either.

When we don't provide a straightforward answer, kids make up their own explanations, which can be a lot more frightening and confusing for them.