"Mirror, Mirror on The Wall"

This past weekend, I traveled to Norfolk, VA, to conduct a self-esteem workshop at the Norfolk  Juvenille Detention Center. 

At the beginning of my presentation, I read  chapter one (“Bald, Black and Beautiful”)  from my new book, Be Ye Transformed and Move Mountains NOW: I Did It – And, You Can Too. In the chapter, I talk about an experience I had while a freshmen at Norfolk State University in which I found a  note affixed to the outside of my door that said, “Take your garbage out you baldheaded black b**ch.”

At the conclusion of the chapter, I write…

“What was even more disturbing was that I was a student at a HBCU (Historically Black College and University), so for someone to go out of their way to try to hurt me seemed silly. I was the epitome of the type of student that NSU looked for – a strong, proud and academically fierce young Black woman with goals to be accomplished. Once I got pass my initially hurt feelings, I took the note down and put it up. And then… I went about my day. After all, I was always told – and have always believed – that I am beautiful inside and out, and that only I define me and not someone who clearly doesn’t have anything going on in their life that they have to be all in my world. I learned from that moment that the person who posted the note had some serious low-esteem issues and needed to be prayed for. But as for me, I was going to continue holding my head up high. Here’s why… I am “Bald, Black and Beautiful!”

I received a round of applause after my reading. I felt great, too – not so much because the students clapped for me, but because I believe that they GOT IT. “IT” is the importance of developing and maintaining a high self-esteem. 

During the Q&A, one of the teachers commented that she could tell, based on my delivery, that I had always held a high esteem. And you know what? She was right.

While there have been times during my 36 years of living when I have felt that I wasn’t doing enough or being enough, overall I have felt that I was worthy, capable and intelligent.

Now, as a single mom, it is even more important that I keep my high self-esteem going because I have two children watching and feeling my every move – my daughter, Lady Clara and my son, Sir Isaac. Embracing a low self-esteem is NOT an option for if I have it, they may very well develop it as well.

Here are some suggestions I’d like to gift you – my beloved single mom sistahs – to help you feel good about yourself in all circumstances.

Create a Vision Board

We are visual people by nature. What we see, we believe and receive as truth. Therefore, in creating a vision board of who you are, you are able to see your reflection on paper. You should see yourself as beautiful, intelligent, an excellent parent, talented, etc. Here’s what you do: Buy a poster board (in any color that you want), get yourself several magazines, a pair of scissors and glue. Then, cut out those positive images that reflect you and paste them onto your poster board.

Post your vision board in an area in your house where you will see it every day. Oh, and take the time every morning when you get up to reflect on your vision board. That way, when you walk out of your door you will be empowered for the day with a knowing that you’ve got it going on and are ready to take on whatever the day has to bring.

Recite Daily Affirmations

Recently, I have been telling myself that I am capable, confident and cool. I truly believe this about myself, too. I look in the mirror and I tell myself this EVERYDAY (and especially when life throws a curve!). Whether you make up an affirmation to tell yourself, or you get one from out of one of Iyanla Vanzant’s books, I implore you to get one now and begin reciting it immediately. It will do wonders for your esteem.

Surround Yourself With Positive People

The company that you keep will determine how you feel about yourself. If you hang around people who are confident individuals, then you will be confident, too. However, if you hang out with people who neglect themselves, have bad attitudes, are always complaining and aren’t about bettering themselves, then you can’t grow and you will fall victim to their low self-esteem. It’s totally your choice.

I will be conducting a self-esteem workshop for moms at the No Boys Allowed (All Girls Conference) in Bethlehem, PA, next Saturday, February 26, 2011. I’m going to tell the moms just what I’ve told you.

My prayer is that we all love ourselves and give our children a high self-esteem (that’s right, I said GIVE… After all, in order for them to know what it looks and feels like, we have to give it to them. And that’s only done when we actually have it for ourselves!).

Here’s to a HIGH SELF-ESTEEM now and always!

Feona Sharhran Huff is the Publisher of Solo Mommy Magazine – the monthly digital publication dedicated to empowering single moms with savvier ways to live a simpler life. She writes the blog, “Living the Solo Mommy Life,” (www.livingthesolomommylife.blogspot.com) in which she details her daily dealings as a single mom raising two talented children while living and working in busy New York City. For a complimentary copy of Solo Mommy Magazine, email her at solomommymag@yahoo.com.