Lover vs. Friend

Friends… How many of us have them?

Relationships are best described as “The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected” according to uncle Webster.

Friendships are relationships built on common denominators, akin to magnets that draw us to people and give us the desire to see if a spark ignites when our wires cross.

True friendship is the glue and key to sustaining any purposeful relationship, which raises an interesting question: Why do we usually skip the friendship when establishing a relationship with a potential mate?

While relationships have so many forms, what seems consistent is how dire they are to our very existence. In the book of Genesis it says, “… In the beginning there was the word…” And in beginning of any lasting relationship, is a friendship.

When we’re courting or being courted, it’s understandable that that wonderful exciting heat we feel when we’re attracted to someone often makes solidifying a friendship secondary. And trust me, I’m a repeat offender. I’m just trying to reconcile why we are willing to allow heightened levels of intimacy with someone with out even really liking them as a person first. And can we really like someone without getting to know them?

I’ve had friends like the lovely Fatima, whom I met in the shoe department as Macy’s circa 1998. She was torn between two shoes and had one on either foot. She asked me my opinion and being the shoe connoisseur that I am, I led her in the right direction.

What potential friend would let someone walk out of the store in a round toe loafer with elastic in the back and a wedge heal? Thus a rich fifteen plus year friendship was born in the midst of 30% off shoe racks. My point is, it only takes that magnetic spark or common denominator to bond people.

But if I told you I let her move in the following week, I suspect I’d get the side eye. Yet some romantic relationships move just that quickly. I know I know… there are people celebrating their 50-year anniversary after a brief courtship. And though we applaud you, we secretly want to pop all of the balloons at your reception.

Because when we tried it, we came home to our Ikea furniture gone, a high cable bill and a post it note on the refrigerator. Okay, maybe that was just me, but I know I have a few “Amens’’ in the house today.

Slow and steady wins the race was something my grandmother always said. It took her three tries, but husband number three was the jackpot.

So we’ll try until we get it right and learn the lessons along the way. Our friends will always be there to give us plenty of chocolate and great shoe advice on our journey to the newly coined romantic friendship.