Teaching kids to keep themselves safe is really about training their judgment-- what used to be called teaching them to be "street smart."

Any “rules” you give kids have to be simple, flexible and easy to remember. The point is to teach kids to make good choices:

Get Familiar With the Folks in Your Neighborhood

Who are the people in your neighborhood? You as a parent can’t have enough neighborhood friends. Walk the route to school with your child a few times. Chat with the crossing guard, say "hi" to the bodega owner and the safety officer at the school.

It’s a good way to assess the people your child encounters daily. Talk to the other parents. Developing relationships increase the chances that 1) adults will remember you and your child, and 2) in an emergency it will increase their options.  

Identifying “Friends”

Children tend to think people who smile or go to their school or live on their block are friends and can be trusted. A simple mantra for your child to remember is, do you know their first and last name? Do you know where they live? Do you know their phone number?

Do your parents know them or their parents? Tell your children that’s how we know our friends. And friends don’t mind them checking in with their parents first.  

Believe Your Kid

Kids tell the truth if they know you are really listening. They know which streets are safe, which kids are bullies, which teachers cause problems, which relatives are not safe to be around -- in short all the things that keep parents awake at night.

The trouble is, we don’t listen. And when we don’t listen, even the smallest child will stop talking. Communication is a two-way street. Talk honestly and learn to listen just as honestly.  

Spend Time

To build a trusting relationship, you have to actually be available. Michelle Obama has the same 24 hours in her day that you do, and she manages to spend time with her young ones. If you are at work for 8 hours [counting travel time], sleep 7 hours you still have 9 hours to work with.

Spend some of that with your child. I learned to turn off all the electronics sit still make eye contact and listen. My daughter and my “play” granddaughter have both said they feel I really “hear” them. They come to me with issues before they become problems.  

Practice Keeping Your “Game Face” On

No screaming, fussing, complaining, dredging up every wrong thing they ever did, not even making faces. This is relationship building. Use the old adage “having two ears and one mouth mean you listen twice as much as you talk."

People feel safer sharing important things when they know they won’t be attacked. And if you don’t know what’s really going on [because your child feels you can’t be trusted] means you lose one way of protecting your child.  

Who You Gonna Call?

The school should have updated contact information for you as a backup. You should have also should have updated information about school staff and what class your child is in.

You should also know where the nearest 24-hour pharmacy and hospital emergency room is, where the local precinct, which grocery/bodega will deliver, who can you call to babysit at a moment’s notice. You should know where neighborhood services before you need them, and keep the information handy.

Your child should also know important telephone numbers by heart. The smallest child can dial 911.  

Parenting has never been easy, but it can be done with ingenuity, consistency and heart. I would be interested in hearing your take on parenting in Bed-Stuy in the 21^st Century.  

NanaZ (Janice H. Hawkins)  is a lifelong Bed-Stuy native. She is a volunteer parent on the Bed-Stuy Patch Parents Council. She has raised a singer/actress and a screenwriter, and is presently helping raise a scientist. She is from the old school which says, "There's no such thing as somebody else's child."